- Takes things personally
- Places the blame on Jessie
- Fails to show either understanding or empathy
- Creates negative feelings for herself by comparing reality to her own unreal expectations.
- Uses sarcasm to attack Jessie
- Physically abuses Jessie
From page 101:
How could she do this to me again? What was wrong with her? How could she have been so stupid? My child was not supposed to be on heroin. She was intelligent and beautiful and talented. This was not the way it was supposed to be.
"Your on heroin. Just like that. You're on heroin."
"Fuck you, Jess. How can you be on heroin?
"I just am, Mum. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry. Well, that's great. That makes a big difference, doesn't it? Terrific."
I hit her as hard as I could across the face. She sank to the floor sobbing, holding her cheek, her eyes full of hurt and amazement that I could do that to her. But I was not finished. I drew back my arm and brought it down with full force, raining blows wherever they fell, stopping only when I had no strength left.
April 21, 2006
She relied on me to have someone to talk to, as she was isolated and had no friends. And I desperately needed to know that she was OK at leas t for that day. If she were in good spirits, I felt in good spirits. If she were miserable, I felt miserable. I could not separate her feelings from mine.
The mother tried to make it look like she was such a good mother, but from reading the book it is easy to see why her daughter needed to numb herself.
Then I get this email from another mother who blames Jessie for "family abuse." This is so backwards. I just had to show this to show you how some parents turn things around. Here is the email I received:
I don't think you have had first hand experience with this matter before. I know someone very similar to Jessie, who steals from his own family and always gets away with everything. You want to give sympathy to people like that and trust them? I don't think so. Aren't they supposed to give respect and trust to you also? I mean once is enough, not over and over again. All they want is for you to feel sorry for them. This isn't child abuse but family abuse by the child. Jessie's slap across the face doesn't even come close to the years of emotional torture and abuse given out to the family by their "wayward" child. Friends and family try to help and give them advice and they take it and throw it back in their faces. I do have sympathy for these people but I think enough is enough.
This is like saying a girl is "supposed" to like some random guy no matter how he treats her. What if a guy came up to you, made you live with him, treated you like crap -- threatened you, punished you, hit , and told you that you were "supposed to respect and trust him"? This is not much different than some parents. Remember, you don't choose your parents. If you did there would be a lot less people on drugs!